Alternately

Am I a hypocrite? I love Allah. I love Islam. I love the Quran. I love Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. I love everything about Islam. But sometimes I wonder,

Am I a hypocrite? For indulging in teenage love? Does that make me bad?

I swear, I think I'm in love and if we had it our way, we would have married. Because all I want is a halal relationship.

I barely see him, I see him a few times a year.

I don't know, I think about it a lot. I want to be a good muslimah, one who doesn't betray Islam. I am trying so hard.

I have so much trust for this relationship. I trust that even if we don't speak to each other or meet each other, we'll still be together. I talk to him because he's my best friend. I tell him stuff.

But then, I could tell Allah kan?

Oh dear, I'm pretty confused.

Sighs. I really don't want to be a hypocrite.