Keep it in

I guess the reason why I get so stressed is because I don't let my feelings out. I cage it in, and a lot of pressure builds up in me. I should learn to let it out - in a good way. Throwing things at the wall or screaming at some inanimate object. Writing my feelings down does help, but it comes back again after that. And sometimes I forget that my best friends and my dear horsey are always there for me.

I don't know why I never talk to them.

Maybe because I'm scared of their response. Because I'm scared they'll think I'm a self-centered, sulky, depressed bitch.

I guess I don't trust myself. I've become paranoid of people running away from me, and choosing someone else over me.

I'm too emotional. I overthink. I feel too much. I need to be in control of my feelings.

The truth is though, these beautiful people in my life; Farhanah, Asma, Iman, Sadiq, my new classmates even, they'll never leave me alone. They're always there by the sidelines waiting for me to ask them for help. They love me. But I just can't grasp that fact for a reason.

Wake up, Farhana. You're not alone. You're not friendless. You're surrounded by all these beautiful, rare people. You love them, and they love you back.

Stop hurting yourself.

Oh and horsey, I might not tell you much, but you are like a big source of my happiness. ♥